tl;dr

Girly rant about unjustified emotions that after I let loose in text, I will forget about.

This is so silly.

I can tell that there’s a problem with me when I can’t be happy for someone who clearly deserves the goodness that’s coming their way. The goodness that’s happening to them, that they so deserve. And believe me, I am happy, but my mind and my heart (fucking cliche, that is), won’t let me feel it on the surface. 

As much as I hate it, I can feel myself just being jealous. Wanting what they’re experiencing, but being so far away from it. Maybe that’s why I can’t pull the happy strings out, no matter how much I sincerely do feel it, and want to let it show. I’m happy for them, I really am. And I hate this bitterness that’s tainting that emotion, not letting me express how glad I am.

When my roommate expressed all the emotions I wanted to, but couldn’t, and all I felt or could emote was a stale stare, I knew something was probably wrong, and my idleness was unjustified. 

If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I am happy, though, and I want you two to have fun, figure things out and make it work because what you have is real.